Dry Spell and the return of Bella October 6, 2009
Posted by Nathan in Bella, Random Musings.Tags: sex
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Good gosh, it has been a long time since my last post. Fricken two months already…
Not that I have a super good excuse, I guess I could always do some fantasy stuff in my head or talk about a few other things, but mainly it’s been a cross between being in a dry spell and not feeling overly creative. I wouldn’t call it writers block per-se, but my free time has been foucsed into other areas as of late and I just haven’t been in the mood to sit down and craft a new entry. It’s not that I haven’t been horny or anything, but I guess I’ve been running in circles where it may be a bit ‘dangerous’ for me to be outwardly amorous.
The dry spell is a tad self-imposed, but largely due to April. She recently had some surgery (nothing to worry about at all…she’s completely healthy and will make a full recovery) which has put her on the sidelines for a few weeks. Just prior to her surgery it was ‘that time’ and “we” don’t do that. I know some women in my past who seem even more turned on during their cycle and clearly would have liked for me to earn my red wings, but I’m not really fond of that….and neither is April for that matter. When it’s her time, she usually suffers from very bad cramps..and to be honest….she’s not the nicest person to be around during that time either. Sorry women, us men can handle a little bitchiness here and there, but severe bitchiness is a sure fire way to keep me anyhwere else but near you. I don’t care if you offer me one mean BJ…it ain’t worth it….well, maybe it is…I’ll have to rethink that.
Needless to say, April has been bed-ridden the last 2 weeks and only thsi week returned to work but still on medication and doctor told her no physical activity for a few more weeks. With that in mind I’ve been pretty much kept thinsg to myself…or myself and my PC. Becky really isn’t in the picture anylonger….she has no idea up from down or whether she’s coming or going and I just don’t have the mental energy to even attempt to figure it out or be there for her. She can go act immature and needy and demanding elsewhere. She’d be a great character study for a daytime soap or 90210, but not me.
I’ve been hitting the gym a bit more again and happy to say some of my strength is returning and some definition once again, and I’ve been truning a few heads, but like I stated earlier…I always seem to be with the wrong company at the time. Freinds of April who of course would report back to her my daliances and flirtations, or kids of friends aroudn where that behavior shoudl not be displayed in front of them, or logistics…they are too far, too complicated, or may have a husband/boyfriend.
So you may be thinking “Whoa Nate, what about April?”….Well, until she can decide she want’s to commit, or get her own shit together, then I can’t wait for her forever. She came out of a horrible relationship that was very contentious and she’s never forgiven her ex and carries a lot of emotional baggage and trust issues to ever want to be ’serious’ right now…Some days it sucks, but other days, I guess I’m ‘okay’ with it…not overly please, but I do like her. I hate to use the word ‘complicated’ because that sounds so chicken-shit (and I agree), but I really can’t think of another way to describe it.
Lastly, I got a surprise e-mail last night. I actually overlooked it at first. I discovered it in my inbox, but it was dated almost 2 weeks ago. The name surprised me at first and I must have blinked hard once or twice…I got an email from Bella. I don’t know how she tracked me down, but then again, I tracked her down last year, but I always thought I was smarter than her and there is no way…but somehow she did.
If you’ve read my previous posts on Bella you’ll know that I know she currently married and has a child. You’ll also know that I consider her one of my true ‘loves’ that got away. I don’t know if we ever would have really made it. 20 years ago we were exact opposites, only drawn togther by physical looks and amazing sex. It was incredible and I often walk down memory lane in my head about our numerous and intense encounters during our tumultous on and off relationship.
Her note was brief and nuetral “Hey how’s it going? Long time…I’d love to catch up. – Bella”
She left me her cell phone number, but it’s probably wise that I never call. Sure I’m tempted…but nothing good can come out of it. Bella may be over me and happy with her new life, husband, and child. But for me, it’s a bit painful. 20 years I realized hasn’t healed me and I still carry a torch somewhere in the recess of my heart and mid for her. She wasn’t my first love, nor my last…but she had a huge impact on me…and dare I say I actually ‘miss’ her.
We’ve both grown and matured since then, and I imagine I’m much more calmer and slow to burn than I was in my late teens and early 20’s. It’s not fair to April (did I just say that?), not fair to her husband, most likely not fair to me..or her. What would I say…”Thank’s for contacting me, BTW, I still have feelings for you…”
Like I said, probably best I just ignore it all and pretentend it never happened.
TMI Tuesday: 1-20-09 January 20, 2009
Posted by Nathan in Bella, Karen, Michelle, Random Musings, Sharyn.Tags: Bella, cougar, Karen, masturbation, Michelle, MILF, sex, Sharyn, TMI
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1. Have you ever dated/married purely for money?
No, but sometimes I wish I had. No, in all seriousness, I’ve never been one to look at money as the bottom line on a relationship. But I’d be lying if I didn’t state I’d think it be nice to meet someone who actually was a bit well off. I’m not a pig headed man who thinks it’s a mans obligation to be the bread winner. If I dated a girl who made more than me, I’d be okay with that. Unfortunately it seems my lot in life to meet women who tend to financially struggle.
2. What is your type?
I’m not exactly sure what this question really entails, but I suppose my ‘type’ would be someone who is genuinely hearted, compassionate and empathetic to others. Someone who believes in God and likes animals and children. I like women that are slightly athletic and intelligent. I like a certain degree of spontaneity and adventure. I like a woman who know how to dress for the occassion….meaning jeans and cowboys boots at the rodeo, elegant dress for a ball, provactive clothing at a club, and sexy lingerie in the bedroom. I like girls that are clean, wear the appropriate amount of makeup and exude a level of sexy and confident playfullness without being arrougant and stuck up. A bit on the tall side, tan lines a plus. A passionate kisser and a streak of naughty in them.
3. What is the best sex game you have ever played?
I like a little roll playing on occasion, but if we’re talking actual ‘games’ like board/card games….then I suppose I enjoyed strip poker with Michelle back in the day, some blindfold/trust games with Bella, and some naughty game I played with Karen once where one die had body parts on it, the other was an action verb to perform.
4. Have you ever given or received an orgasm from a person whose last name you did not know?
Yup. On both accounts. Had a few enocunters in college where we never exchanged last names. One was in an alley way I once told you all about. No clue on who she was.
5. Have you ever masturbated in front of a sexual partner?
Oh yeah. I’ve taped myself once for a girl, and she did the same in kind. I had one girl put on a show for me on my bed as I sat in a chair and watched, and yet another asked me to masterbate on her both in the shower and on her bed as she awaited me to cum on naked body. Now that I think about it, I can’t think of a girl who hasn’t done it in front of me that I was with. But each experience and memory is unique in it’s own way. If I’m lucky….I may try and play some of these questions back out in one capacity or another tonight.
Bonus (as in optional):At what age do you think men and women reach their sexual peak? Do you think you have hit yours yet?
I’ve once heard men reach their peak in their late teens, or early 20’s. I don’t think that applies to me, or my male friends. I’ve been feeling pretty sexual for almost 20 years now and I think I’m just as randy today as I was when I was 19…and my friends I’ve known for years are just as horny today too. Hopefully I haven’t hit mine yet….a lot of it depends on the partner and what they can get out of you as well.
On the flip side I hear more and more about women peaking in their 40’s…hence maybe the cougar syndrome and MILF factor. I think women are definetly more in-tune with their bodies beginning in their late 20’s and throughout their 30’s. Looking back, sex with 30-something women was indeed better than my first few girlfriends in my late teens…but it depends on the girl/woman. Bella, Sharyn, Karen were leap years ahead of some other women who were older than them or about the same age. So I don’t think I could really qualify or quantify this premise.
TMI Tuesday… January 13, 2009
Posted by Nathan in April, Mary, Random Musings.Tags: April, kissing, Mary, sex, TMI
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Yeah, it’s not Tuesday Turn-ons….I still haven’t picked a topic for that today, but maybe this will give you a little more insight on me, Nathan.
1. On a scale of 1 to 10, how satisfied are you with your sex life?
Unfortunately, the more I think about it, the higher the number was a few years back. Not sure I ever achieved an actual ‘10′…I suppose that would mean my girlfriends were just as creative, willing, aggressive and naughty as I am….and sadly that hasn’t happened in quite some time. I suppose the highest moments were my college years and maybe just after college. Solid 8’s many a time. Last year I think I may have been at my lowest…3…and I’d chalk up one of those points due to my own solo efforts. Right now April has taken slight more interest in her activities in the bedroom, so maybe it’s a borderline 5 right now (up from 4). Yikes, I’m kinda getting depressed just reading this as I write. I haven’t had much time as of late to seek out more enlightened partners or have the energy to sit down and tell April my concerns.
2. If someone shoves you up against the wall while kissing you, your reaction is?
Release. Ladies, beleive it or not, once ina blue moon a man woudl be very excited if a woman takes the gumption be agressive and take charge. I’d probably submit and relish the moment in relaxed bliss….my mind going a million miles an hour wondering if she’ll go further, go south, etc. But seeing that I can be a freak at times, I’d also probably wonder if my breath is fresh and if I have clean undies on.
3. What is the most romantic thing anyone has ever said or done to you?
Wow, this is a very tough question to answer and I’m not sure there is one incident that just blows me away above any other. Different girlfriends through the years have done special things for me that made me feel special. One girl sent me on a scavenger hunt at a local mall that shop owners were in on….at the end was a clue to a hotel room where she was waiting in lingerie. There was a lot of effort in that one. Another used to write me actual love letters that were very sweet. Another used to just stare in my eyes and whisper….her words always magic and sultry…I believed everything she told me…it seemed very genuine and heartfelt. But I’m not sure even the best ones I could qualify as overly ‘romantic’ in the truest sense of the word.
4. Where is the most unusual place you have ever had sex?
I literally had sex once outside of a bar, in a back alleyway, between dumpsters, at 1:30am. It was primal, public, and perhaps a bit of a rush in the fear of getting caught.
5. How do you like to be kissed?
Passionately and soft and hungry-like. I think I am closer to a woman in thsi regard moreso than being a man. I like tender lips on my ears. I like girls who kiss my neck. But a tender, soft, and exploring kiss with an open mouth sets my motors in motion.
Bonus: Most embarrasing sexual moment?
I wrote about this a long time ago, but once when Mary was straddling me on top and we both climaxed and sat there for a few minutes I began to relax. When Mary dismounted, I noticed the condom was no longer on my person. Then to my horror, I watched Mary basically fist herself in her attempts to fish it out of herself. As this scene unfolded for what seemed like forever I was very slack jawed and mentally scarred.
Frustration December 19, 2008
Posted by Nathan in April, Fantasies, Random Musings, Rants.Tags: April, booty call, frustration, sex, sex-toy
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Will you submit to me in my frustration?
I discovered a blog last week maintained and writtem by a young woman who comes across as very erotic. Erotic in the sultry and seductive sense, not the wham-bam-thankyou-ma’am sense, and it’s quite evident that she takes great care and thought in crafting her tales and insights.
I like PhaedraFallen because for her purported age (19 I think), she comes across pretty cerebral, and I like brainy, or to put it a better way – well worded and educated women. Smart is sexy. And you can get a lot of insight from someone who is well versed in vocabulary and structure….not like here, where my mind just seems to run on random thoughts and run on sentences half the time.
Anyway, she posted a picture (which I shamelessy stole btw for this post) on a new toy she and her friend ‘X’ recently purchased and experimented with. The image on the box coupled with her musings on the night her and ‘X’ shared with this painted a very nice image in my own head, and it’s something I’d like to particpate in with my own sex life.
You’ve been rading my own blog long enough to know that April and I are this on-again, off-again ‘thing’. I wish I could be more specific in my own definition, but I can’t, because as much as I attempt to put a label on us and what we are together, I just can’t. Lately April has lost a lot of weight, and she looks great. I probably need to tell her that more often, but for some reason I forget and only think of it after the fact when she’s not around….which doesn’t really do me any goood or win me any points with her. Now if I could only get her to stop smoking….it may be a different ball game altogether.
Last week, her monthly visitor arrived so we never got together to play. That kinda sucks because even though neither one of us are into earning or deploying ‘red wings’ with each other, there are other things we can do. I mean…I wouldn’t refuse a blow job from her, nor would I reject nibbling and sucking on her breasts during this time…but it just doesn’t seem to be April’s cup of tea…and I don’t push (my error?).
So this weekend, starting tonight was the perfect opportunity for some holiday lovin’. I’ve been actually thinking about it for a few days now, and the image of setting up this contraption on my bed, lighting a few candles, blindfolding her, and then taking her freshly shaven puss for my own pleasure (and hers) has been mentally intoxicating and has perpetuated a few unscripted hard-ons for myself the last few days.
Unfortunately, our ‘timing’ and ‘communication’ always seems a bit off and for the life of me I never see it coming. April has the ability to open her mouth and say the most absurd and aggravating things at the weirdest moments that more often than not spark an argument or at least gets my blood boiling in a ‘bad mood’ sort of way.
Like today.
We spoke early this morning before both of us went to work and I was attempting to arrange getting togther this weekend. Not necessarily for sex per-se (though I suppose in the back of my mind it would have been nice), but at least to hang out, have dinner, go to a neighborhood party, etc. Instead she made one of her famous off the cuff remarks, which turned my amorous and good natured mood 180 degrees around and kinda upset me. Not upset in the fact I’m sad…more in the vain she pissed me off…so I cut the conversation short and told her I had to go….basically, yet politely, hanging up on her.
Now for the past couple of hours I’ve been very uptight and somewhat smoldering under the surface. Part of me wants to strangle her (metaphorically that is…a figure of speech for all those thingking I’m about to go postal..I’m not), the other part wants to take this pent up frustration and negative energy I’m currently harnessing and just fuck the crap out of her over and over again tonight not really caring what she has to say…(not a rape fantasy at all) just a let me take out my frustration on pleauring you silly until neither one of us can walk and nothing needs to be said between us.
Last night was kinda primal…and messy.
