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Reality Rumblings August 7, 2008

Posted by Nathan in Random Musings.
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Keesha

BB10: Keesha

Even if you don’t care, I’m bringing my self up to speed on the crap I watch.

Natalie Bolton: Finally from the last season of Survivor, Natalie’s website Nataliebolton.com has offically launched after having a place holder positioned for months.  And after waiting all this time, I can officially state that after 5 minutes I was officially bored.  What a complete let down of esoteric dribble that really provided no insight or information that we couldn’t have googled in the past.  The only thing you can do is download her song (Doesn’t everyone have a song now?) and view her resume.  Seriously.  You can view her resume with such skills as: “hunter, bartender, dancer”  No Joke.  There are a few deleicious pictures of her, but I can’t save them as they are not your traditional jpeg format (Flash palyer).  The whole website (what little there actually is) just seems like a commercial for her with all the common C-list celebrity stuff: “I was a Tomboy.  I learned to love myself.  I like to help people”.  But does wrap it up by saying “Stay tuned….I’ll have a store soon to but pieces of me so I can feel connected to you.”  Well, at this rate, she have 2 8×10’s in another 5 months.  She even has a field that says ‘Members Login’ which right now doesn’t appear to do anything.  Well, what can she possibly have to offer that requires a members login.  There’s only one reason women have a member’s login, and as far as I know, she isn’t sporting any nude photos.  Natalie, believe me, I want to connect with you…..in a way that isn’t mentioned on your site.

I Love Money (VH1): Take a bunch of r-tard rejected D-list celebs from shows like Rock of Love, Flavor of Love and I Love New York….sequester them in an island mansion in Mexico…add liquor and swimsuits and the clamoring to win $250K and watch the train wreck in progress.  I love this show for the sheer fact that after watching these people interact with each other and the guaranteed drama between wiggers, wannabes, and air-heads, I actually do feel like a somebody afterwards.  It’s like we as viewers are scientists researching sea-monkeys swimming in vodka.  Hell yeah!

Flipping Out: I caught this late this season, but the star…Jonathan? Freak and shoudl be committed for psychiatric evaluation.  And how original for Bravo: Take one eccentric gay realator with an obssessive compulsion disorder, surround him with leeches, and then tell him he really is a star because a camera crew is around.

Brooke Knows Best (VH1): Spin off show from Hogan Knows Best.  Now lets take a 20 year old girl, place her in an over the top Miami penthouse apartment that she can’t afford, add one gay male best friend, and a nobody female roomate a la “Real World”.  Also add the hijinx of Hulk Hogan (otherwise I think the show would fail) and see how she reacts to the world.  OMG.  I admit, I watch this because Brooke is hawt (I’d hit that fo’ sho’) and I want to see if she ever can escape from Hulk’s over protective eye and maybe….just maybe….have the forbidden dance with some lucky dude.  Otherwise, I can’t tell you what the show is about…other that I’m jealous some TV network doesn’t place me in some Trumped-out suite for 3 months and I don’t have to work and just get to hang out.  My show would be pretty boring though…..you’d see me playing Xbox, surfing the web, watching TV, and flirting my ass off.

Sunset Tan (VH1): The ultimate worst show for vain, shallow, over the top nobody’s who all seem to have an inner Napolean complex.  There are two very hot chicks on the show…and no, not the Olly Girls who are dumber than a box of rocks.  They are the ultimate one night stand, but I could never…ever…have a relationship with either.  They don’t even hide (or apprantly not even aware) how much they like money and themselves.  One of the hot chicks looks like that Anna K (tennis star) and the other, a perfect ‘girl next door’ from the midwest.  Both are high on my D-list of celebs I’d wanna “hit” as well.  The two dudes that one Sunset Tan are unusual too.  The older one look like a very buff Randy West whom nobody told him he’s too old to wear the clothes he does.  The other is just a wacky looking tool….with his ‘hip-bleached’ hair, Criss Angel wannabe clothes and tattoos, and I swear…his own ORANGE tan.  He should not be representing his own product, because he’s on the verge of looking like a giant Oompa Loompa. 

Now the summer’s grand-daddy…

Big Brother 10 (CBS): (BTW: Amazing Race I think starts again in September) Still a pale comparison to the BB’s of other countries (ours is very tame) this last Tuesday was quite a day.  Wasn’t Keesha’s b-day just over-shadowed by the EPIC fight between everyone in the house?  That whole singing Happy Birthday was the most awkward celebration I’ve ever witnessed in my life, let alone hawt Keesha ever forgetting it.  Okay my take on the contestants:

  • Jessie: Still a tool and way too into himself.  He stirred the pot big time this last week and I’ll be sorry to see him go, which I think will happen this evening.
  • Ollie: Under the radar and so stoked to be hanging onto April.  Hasn’t shown his true colors yet…like Dan, he’s letting everyone else self-distruct.
  • Dan: Like Ollie, at least he admits he’s laying low.  Smart right now as he has no real alliance since the previous people were evicted.
  • Memphis: I wouldn’t say ‘dumb-jock’, but he’s like a frat boy out of his element, with rage just bubbling under the surface.
  • Renny: Loon.
  • April: HoH this week, good looking, rockin’ bod.  Has Ollie wrapped around her finger and has a water/oil relationship with Libra.
  • Libra: Needs to go.  She’s drama and a trouble maker.  However, if she goes, then the drama goes with her and makes the house more boring.  Kniving and speaks out of both side of her mouth.  The current BB house ‘foil’.
  • Jerry: Give the USMC shit a rest already.  Man, between all his corp clothing/hats and retired Semper Fi analogies…he’s starting to get to me.
  • Keesha: Yummy.  I’d really hate to see her go, but I figure her weeks are numbered only as a victim of circumstance from a previous alliance. 
  • Michelle(?): Tough mouthed girl with a Bronx attitude.  Sore loser when it came to the Hawaii vacation and loathes Libra.

Survivor 16 – post thoughts May 12, 2008

Posted by Nathan in Fantasies, Random Musings.
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Yummy and tasty Natalie BoltonYeah, gonna tell ya right now this post is pretty much filler material and not very exciting.  I still really enjoy my reality TV, (the smart shows that is), but haven’t been overly inspired this time around to post weekly comments/analysis like I used to with religious fervor on the previous incarnations of Big Brother and Survivor.

Then again, in retrospect, I have to agree with the critics that this season, 16, was one of the most dramatic ones in a while.  But for very strange reasons.  In this incarnation of Fans vs. Favorites there were not too many ’stand out’ characters per-se.  The ‘major’ favorites were relatively quiet, other than Ozzy, and were voted off in some lack luster way.  Even Johnny Fairplay left under his own volition after during the first episode.   When things seemed to get a tad interesting, castaways began to succumb to injuries which ended up having them leave the game prematurely (Jonathan & James).

This seemed to leave a relative vacuum as far as star power and normal dramatic moments went, so interestingly enough underdogs such as Natalie, Parvati, Cirie, Jason and Erik came into their own and made up for some compelling strategies that I was continously shocked week after week how the women began picking off the men.  I truly believe the remaining women came into their own partly from dumb luck of injuries and other events, but to their credit, they were able to make the most and really craft some devious and masterful plans, though partly because both Jason and Erik (physical threats) were so gullible, naive, and easily manipulated.  I have to agree that Jeff Probst called it right when he said “Erik just learned a life lesson” from the most bone-headed play a survivor ever made.  I’m also surprised that Cirie made it as far as she did.

But I’d like to point out that this left for some very attractive women this season.  I can’t deny that Parvati looked absolutely delicious in her bikini at times.  The dragonfly tramp-stamp, tan lines, kickin’ body, and low cut bikini was very cute and attractive.  She cleaned up very nicely for reunion nite as well as must say she looked good with makeup as well.

Then there was Amanda.  I think she was a different kind of ‘cute’ as well.  Tall, muscular, nice wide mouth and big eyes.  And she has quite the natural chest as well.  Her bikini was often hung low as well on the hips, and her slim figure was also nice to look at.  But her and Ozzy?  Okay…

I’m saving my personal favorite for last.  There are some pretty strong rumors that she’s a lesbian, probably compounded by the fact she lives in West Hollywood and made some not so veiled comment about Parvati’s flirting, but Natalie Bolton is one good looking woman.  I think she knows it too, and from what I can digest from other websites is that many people think she’s full of herself in a ‘vain’ sort of way.  I’m not sure I got that, but I can see a few instances where her ‘free spirit’ attitude may turn heads.  Natalie has her own website, which hasn’t opened yet, but I’m sure I’ll be checking back soon enough.  Well, despite her cagey intellect and sharp tongue, I think she is sexy as all hell.

She pranced around the island, half the time her privates being blurred out because her bikini, or lack thereof kept exposing parts of her body.  Her boobs were kinda wierd though.  Clearly they are fake, as in many of the shows contests where her shirt got wet, it was quite apparent her nipples were geographicaly higher than nature intended, but I’m not complaining.  On the contrary I enjoyed watching her both on her first night on the jury panel and thr reunion shoe where her outfit was clearly designed to be worn indicating she prefers not to wear a bra and kinda exudes a certain sexual energy.  She comes across as a wickedly seductive temptress, and it’s one of those rare moments I wish I was a woman if she is indeed a lesbian.  (Butch gals take note – you can indeed move away from the mullet).

Everytime I watched survivor this season I fantasized about Natalie.  Oh, between that skimpy bikini, incredible body, bitchy attitude, jungle setting…..I’d love to have my way with her, and I’d allow her to have her way with me if she is staright or bi.