I found this on a news site today:

A woman with a medical condition that gives her 300 orgasms a day has found the man of her dreams after she wore out a string of boyfriends.

Michelle Thompson, who suffers from persistent sexual arousal syndrome, thought she was just too demanding for men and would never find the man of her dreams.

But she has been with her neighbor Andrew Carr, 32, for the past six months and he’s as keen for sexual intercourse as she is. They make love 10 times a day.

“Andrew has changed my life. I’m no longer looking for a cure for my orgasms – I’ve found it,” Michelle told The News of the World newspaper in the U.K. “Now I have a huge grin on my face all the time, and it’s not just because of the orgasms.”

Women who suffer from persistent sexual arousal syndrome experience spontaneous orgasms throughout the day, which may or may not accompany sexual activity. Many women describe the condition as debilitating and embarrassing.

Michelle’s rare condition means she always craves sex and can climax at any time.

She even had to quit a job in a biscuit factory because the machines kept setting her off.

In reality, there are certain words and slang I am very uncomfortable saying when it comes to sexuality, or bodily functions.  Yes, even yours truly gets offended, embarassed, or tends to cringe with the use of certain words.

For you women, I hate the ‘C’-word.  Hate it, hate it, hate it.  I cannot use, and even I feel ashamed and lose for respect for women who use it when talking about other women.  I find it the lowest of the lows.  The only occassion in which I find it slightly acceptable or dare I even say intriguing is when a girl is using it for dirty talk about herself and is describing an act she wants done to her dirty little ‘C’, but other than that, I don’t like it.

I also don’t like the ‘D’ or “D___head’ when it comes to describing a man, even if he is.  It just sounds so childish to me.  So second-grade.  So un-educated.  I guess ‘prick’ is slightly better, but ‘D___’ just sounds stupid.

I’m even uncomfortable with the the ‘P’ word at times.  I can tolerate it much more easily than I can the ‘C’ word, but not my the word I’d normally use.  Like I always feel weird when I ask “Can I ‘f’ your p____?”  “Can I lick your p____?” or a command: “Show me your p____.”  Unless I know a girl is comfortable using it herself or uses it with me, I tend to avoid it.  But I’ll admit, when a girl says to me “Nate, I want you to f__ my p____” or “Do you like the taste of my p___”, I’m much more tolerant and accepting.

And lastly for now, I really like when a girl says “period”, like “I’m on my period (or rag)”.  Yeah, not a turn on.  I’ve stated in previous posts that even though I’ve earned my ‘red wings’, it really isn’t an experience I would like to repeat.  I guess it goes back to me liking to be clean.  It’s just not a period or blood perse, I have a pet peeve when it comes to certain hygiene and dirt factors.  I don’t like dirt under fingernails, I don’t like oily hair, I hate dirty feet (I always where socks and shoes or sandals outside), I don’t like B.O., etc.  I prefer to shower and be squeaky clean before sex and usually after sex, I’m embarrased to say I tend to ‘clean’ up afterwards, especially if it is at my house.  If I can, I’ll try and coax a sexy shower out of my partner afterwards…sure I may have an ulterior motive, but that doesn’t mean I can’t turn it into some fun at the same time.  And if I’m at a hotel/motel, camping, or at a partner’s house, cleaning up isn’t a requirement for me afterwards…especially if I know or can expect round two or more.  I’m just saying, if we are sleeping in my bed, I prefer to be a bit clean afterwards.

So why am I going on all about this?  Well, April just got back from a business trip and I hadn’t seen her for a few weeks.  Yeah, I’ve been going on about Shauna Sands and some recent movies and basically taking care of myself.  She called me up to let me know she was back, and of course I hinted pretty bluntly: “So, you wanna play?”, in which she replied “Sorry, I just started my period and my uterus is falling out.”

Er……uh….hmm…Okay, not sure I needed that extra qualifier, but I’m sitting on the sidelines again for a few more days.

I hadn’t really been paying too much attention to the release date of the Shauna Sands DVD by Vivid with a fine tooth comb.  I figured since it was already delayed once and I hadn’t seen a lot of news about it the last week, that most likely it had been delayed again.

To my surprise, I went to the home website and surmised it had indeed been released and a small rush of adrenaline rushed through my veins.  Since I had already made two prior posts about her ’secret’ sex tape and how I was looking froward to it, I seriously contemplated dropping the $34.95 on the DVD.  I mean from the trailer and the picture stills, it looked very promising.

But before I did that, I decided to check a website/forum I visit here and there to see if there was any scuttlebutt about it, and maybe that rare chance that someone ripped a copy to a share site.  Generally, new movies like this are indeed ripped, but then very quickly taken down due to copyright infringement, star name, etc., etc.  I’m sure Vivid is banking on a lot of hype for this movie and wouldn’t be too happy to learn free copies are floating around in cyberspace the very first few days.

To my utter schock, upon a simple search, I found it very quickly.  The WHOLE MOVIE….FOR FREE.  What?  Somebody must have just posted it hours before, because there was only a few replies.  But I jumped on it quickly and was able to obtain a copy within minutes.

And after watching it, I’m glad I didn’t drop the aforementioned $40.  I’m not going to say it was a bad movie, I mean, it was a supposed ‘leaked’ private movie…not intended for general scrutiny…but somewhat fails to deliver all my Shauna Sands fantasies.

There is no doubt she has one incredible body.  Her legs, waist, and buttocks are to akin to being as perfect as any man could dream for.  She is incredibly fit, tone, and has a very flat tummy for having three children.  Her hair is blonde out of a bottle for sure, her lips a little Botox or Collogen enhanced, and she has quite lovely eyes.  Her boobs are a tad weird…not in a ‘bad’ way…but despite being augmented in the typical Melrose tradition, she has some notable scarring around the areola’s as if they had been reduced in diameter.  Otherwise, she has Barbie-esque like figure and her tan lines automatically boost her apeal for me.

The french boyfriend is in ‘Adonis’ like shape and in between sucking down drink and chain smoking like there is no tomorrow, I’ll admit, I’m a tad bit jealous how chisled this guy is.  He blows most male porn stars outta the water with his physique.  He’s a guy after my own heart as he seems to really be into his sexcapades, although his camera work and constant mumbling in french gets a bit annoying.  A good portion of his dialogue is actually sub-titled and Shauna speaks in both English and French.

The video is slightly longer than 1 hour and by all accounts I would break it up into three main scenes.  Two traditional sex scenes and 1 oral scene in which Saundra gives one heck of a fantasy blow job.  But between all this is some fluff…mostly casual converstaions between the two in a bedroom or on a balcony.  Most of these conversations are completly mundane where Saundra does 80% of the talking and her boyfriend and his shakey camera follows her around.  And in most of this filler stuff, Saundra is topless or wearing this little wrap number around her waist in which she is not wearing any panties and you get some nice shots of her shaven womanhood.  She’s clearly comfortable in the nude behind closed doors and plays up to the camera in some of these instances.  I have a feeling she can ber very naught when she’s in the mood.

And it helps a lot during these drawn out sequences that she’s very easy on the eyes.  It’s more like a tantalizing tease to the viewer than anything intentional on her end.  It’s very natural and not scripted which lends to a certain girl-next-door mystique as well.

Now, onto the ‘good stuff’….Well, I’m kinda torn on how erotic the sex scenes actually play out.  The two main scenes in which Shauna and her boyfriend have sex are nothing out of the ordinary and because he’s holding the camera most of the time, there are a lot of closeups of either her chest or her vag.  Sadly there are no money shots either, and its very hard to tell if and when either of them climax, until he aks her once “Did you?” and she simply responds, “Yes.”   In the first scene she starts off by wearing some crocthless panties and when they stop all she says is “You soaked my panties.”, but as the viewer you can’t tell this at all and just have to take her word for it.

There’s no transitions between positions either in the first scene, just smash cuts.  One second he’s taking her from behind, next she’s in missionary, then she’s straddling him and the camera is now positioned behind them.  She’s also relatively quiet with a few moans and gasps here and there, and I guess I expected her to me much more vocal, but somehow I was let down.  Not sure what I expected from her, but she seemed to be holding back in the auditory department.  They finish this up with him using a jelly dong on her for her second climax

The second major scene involved the camera being set up on a table and capturing them both from a slightly further distance where he pounding her missionary style on a couch.  Okay, it’s amazing to see two perfect bodies like this, but again, I was somewhat distracted by Shauna….she kept stealing looks towards the camera with this ‘deer-in-headlights’ like stare…more like someone wanting to make sure they were in frame rather than enjoying themselves or being seductive and/or erotic.  I’ve seen other ‘home’ movies where the girl is seducing the camera with her eyes and facial expressions and really seem to be getting into it for the viewer, where Shauna just kinda stares at it and I couldn’t help but wonder if she was on something ’cause it just looked a bit ‘off’.  Sadly, no money shot here either….I felt robbed again.

The last scene was probably the most erotic buildup of the tape.  Here Shauna is eating ice-cream and letting it drip from the spoon as she hold it to her mouth and lets it melt down her naked body as she stands in high heels at the foot of their bed.  This was quite a turn on for me and I’ll have to request that in my personal life.  She then offers to give her boyfriend a blowjob in which she purs some melted ice cream from her pint container onto his junk and proceeds to lick it off.  There is no sex here at all, just a very messy blowjob, and the only let down here was Shauna making the comment that she didn’t want anything getting in her hair.  At the end of the BJ, we finally see a pop-shot to her face, but again, she just seems oddly disinterested.  She just opens her mouth with no real expression or afterglow indulgence afterwards as he finishes himself off.

Then fade out to black and shows over.

I may have to watch it again (I’m sure I will), but it’s very hard to critique.  Clearly Vivid took the best few ‘tantalzing’ seconds to cut a perfect trailer, but it just doesn’t seem to deliver what the trailer hyped up.  Shauna is drop dead gorgeous, he’s a chisled Adonis, pictures are clear and seemingly high quality, and she’s basically nude the whole 60+ minutes.  The blowjob was great as was the lead up, but the finish with the only money shot just falls flat at the end.  The other two scenes show off her body in great close-up fashion, but again, Shauna just doesn’t seems into it and with no pop shots or vocal climaxes it just feels like the scenes end prematurely with little payoff. 

If I had to buy it, I may say it’s worth $15, maybe $20 tops, but not worth the full price Vivid is asking, so I’m very glad I found it for free.

Well it appears that the video, Shauna Sands Exposed, by Vivid will now be officially released on or around Nov. 6th.

A few weeks back I mentioned I was having some memories of some old skool porn I once had starring Leena and a very young (18) Jenna Jameson that I was looking into re-acquiring.  I actually did a digital download and paid a bit more than I would have liked too, and I have mixed feelings about teh experience:  First, looking back at the Leena tapes…well, they didn’t hold up as well as I first imagined they would.  At about $18 for a digital download (ugg), the quality hadn’t improved at all.  They were basically old VHS tapes that someone had converted to DVD digital format, however, the graininess, sounds drops, color distortion, and an occaisional VHS tape tracking hiccup showed up.  And while Leena was indeed as hot as I remembered her to be, the other’s did seem dated in the late 80’s early 90’s attire and actor Jonathan Morgan is just plain goofy.  There wasn’t as much Leena as I had hoped.

The Jenna download was much better.  I think she was only 18 at the time, not as much ‘porn’ makeup, much more amateur style, and her moans and excitement were 100% believable.  The only drawback was that it was a Randy West scene and at the time he was clearly starting to show his age.  The other scenes were good as well, as good as you can get from a VHS tape again originally filmed in the early 90’s.  Again, the cost was about $18.

Sometimes I find it hard to justify spending any kind of money on that stuff, especially ‘older’ stuff in the modern age of HD, gonzo, and so much good stuff…like Reality Kings.  They have a lot of variety and a ton of stuff for $30 a month.  On occassion, that is few and far between, I’ll slap down the $30 fee and get a ton of movies to download and it’s definetly more bang for your buck that a single $18 VHS quality video.  And lets not forget how many free sites are out there as well….plenty.

Getting back to ‘celebrity’ tapes……well, I do actually find them very interesting and titalizing…as if they were ‘forbidden’.  I’ve seen the Pam Anderson/Tommy Lee, Kim Kardashian/Ray Jay, Paris Hilton/boyfriend, Collin Farrel/model girlfriend, Vince/Janine tape to name a few and for the most part I’ve liked them all.  But I all saw bootlegs of these and never paid a cent.

However when it comes to this new one with Shauna, I am very tempted to drop the $35 for a 2-disc collection.  I have no idea what is on the second disc, but after seeing some of the stills and a teaser trailer….I find myself getting very worked up over her.  It appears she has dropepd her suit against Vivid which makes it even more suspicious to me that this isn’t a publicity stunt or intentional leak.  In the end, I really don’t care….I am really looking forward to seeing and maybe even owning this tape.

Hope that doesn’t make me sound as a real porn degenerate or deperate loser.  In a way though, I could see how you guys might think that….tapes are released all the time, but only this one have I been actively looking forward to.

On the personal front, it has been a little slow going.  I have not returned Bella’s contact at all as it brings up to many emotions for me that I don’t feel like I can deal with right now. 

I also recently ran into an ex girlfriend of mine that I dated only for a few months about 10 years ago.  It was somewhat awkward for me bordering on uncomfortable.  She is single and now a mother with no contact with the father and has also gained about 70+ lbs.  I’m sorry if that sounds mean and callous, but due to her short stature, she looks a bit ‘big’.  We ran into each other at a party of mutual friends and I had no idea what to say.  We didn’t break up on bad terms or anything, it was the fact I just wasn’t into her but I know she liked me quite a bit.  The uncomfortable part was at this party she began flirting with me again, and I had NO desire to flirt back.  The day after the party my friend called me to let me know that she is still carrying a torch for me and started asking questions about my situation.  She’s a ‘nice’ person, but I really don’t want any further contact.

Becky has disapeared from the face of the planet.  A fun ‘fling’ that I may have wanted to explore further, but doesn’t look like that’s gonna happen.

April called me last week now that she is feeling much better and we had an conjugal encounter last Saturday.  It was ‘fun’…could have be more ‘fun’ if she’d just learn to relax, but she seemed a bit more plaful than usual.  Since this post is already way too long, maybe next one will be that encounter.  It was kinda funny, as well as erotic, to say the least.

Shauna Sand

I really never heard of Shuana Sand before this past week, and now I’m kinda surprised (and saddened) I hadn’t.  It seems Ms. Sand (formely Shauna Sand-Lamas) is yet another D list celebrity to have a sex tape …um stolen?  leaked?…to the public and it looks like porn studi Vivid.com is about to release it in the upcoming weeks.

Shauna’s claim to fame, other than her incredible rockin body after have at least three kids, was that she was married to serial womanizer and fellow D-list clebrity actor husband Lornezo Lamas (of Renegade fame).  She was also a former Playboy playmate, and rumored to have once had an affair with her husbands teenage son (from a previous marriage….see it seems Lorenzo likes to be married…4 times so far).

Anyway, it is ‘rumored’ her former boyfriend…leaked or let get stolen or whatever the story is… a very explicit sex tape compilation of some of their private encounters that would make the Tommy Lee/Pam Anderson tape look a bit tame. 

It also just so happens that TMZ reported all this and Vivid is about to release this tape just as the Lamas family forray into the reality TV genre is about to air.  Coincidence?  Publicity stunt?  I can’t answer that and it ‘appears’ that Ms. Sand wants this tape not to be released, but the timing all just seems a little too staged for me.

So what would any curious hot blooded man do in my shoes?  Well, he’d want to satisfy his curiosity and check her out. 

Enter Google….and lo and behold….she is f’n gorgeous!!  Then I went over to the Vivid site and saw the trailer…of course meant to tantalize and tease…but none the less, it looks incredible!  She looks incredible!  They look incredible!  Lots of close ups, and of course, she’s rockin’ the super tight tan lines…my personal kryponite and uber turn on that turns my knees to jelly. 

Oh I’ve seen the Paris tape (good), the Pam Anderson (better), the Janine/Vince tape (good), but for the first time I am considering marching out the day it is released to buy this spanktacular home movie.  I haven’t been this turned on or excited from a softcore amateur trailer in a long time, and now I may even seek the new reality series out just to take her in a bit more.

I’m just super impressed that she has had like three kids and her body just seems still perfect.  Not sure if she had any surgeries other than my guess she had her lips done with injections, but I saw nary a stretch mark, and from what I saw in the previews…she is one adventerous and sexual MILF.   She appears as if she’s really into it; toys, lingerie, foods, camera play, really hamming it up more so that these other celebrity types.  But those tan lines especially……yummmmmm

Yes, this is a real posting from Yahoo.  You can’t make this stuff up sometimes….

Good gosh, it has been a long time since my last post.  Fricken two months already…

Not that I have a super good excuse, I guess I could always do some fantasy stuff in my head or talk about a few other things, but mainly it’s been a cross between being in a dry spell and not feeling overly creative.  I wouldn’t call it writers block per-se, but my free time has been foucsed into other areas as of late and I just haven’t been in the mood to sit down and craft a new entry.  It’s not that I haven’t been horny or anything, but I guess I’ve been running in circles where it may be a bit ‘dangerous’ for me to be outwardly amorous.

The dry spell is a tad self-imposed, but largely due to April.  She recently had some surgery (nothing to worry about at all…she’s completely healthy and will make a full recovery) which has put her on the sidelines for a few weeks.  Just prior to her surgery it was ‘that time’ and “we” don’t do that.  I know some women in my past who seem even more turned on during their cycle and clearly would have liked for me to earn my red wings, but I’m not really fond of that….and neither is April for that matter.  When it’s her time, she usually suffers from very bad cramps..and to be honest….she’s not the nicest person to be around during that time either.  Sorry women, us men can handle a little bitchiness here and there, but severe bitchiness is a sure fire way to keep me anyhwere else but near you.  I don’t care if you offer me one mean BJ…it ain’t worth it….well, maybe it is…I’ll have to rethink that. 

Needless to say, April has been bed-ridden the last 2 weeks and only thsi week returned to work but still on medication and doctor told her no physical activity for a few more weeks.  With that in mind I’ve been pretty much kept thinsg to myself…or myself and my PC.  Becky really isn’t in the picture anylonger….she has no idea up from down or whether she’s coming or going and I just don’t have the mental energy to even attempt to figure it out or be there for her.  She can go act immature and needy and  demanding elsewhere.  She’d be a great character study for a daytime soap or 90210, but not me.

I’ve been hitting the gym a bit more again and happy to say some of my strength is returning and some definition once again, and I’ve been truning a few heads, but like I stated earlier…I always seem to be with the wrong company at the time.  Freinds of April who of course would report back to her my daliances and flirtations, or kids of friends aroudn where that behavior shoudl not be displayed in front of them, or logistics…they are too far, too complicated, or may have a husband/boyfriend.

So you may be thinking “Whoa Nate, what about April?”….Well, until she can decide she want’s to commit, or get her own shit together, then I can’t wait for her forever.  She came out of a horrible relationship that was very contentious and she’s never forgiven her ex and carries a lot of emotional baggage and trust issues to ever want to be ’serious’ right now…Some days it sucks, but other days, I guess I’m ‘okay’ with it…not overly please, but I do like her.  I hate to use the word ‘complicated’ because that sounds so chicken-shit (and I agree), but I really can’t think of another way to describe it.

Lastly, I got a surprise e-mail last night.  I actually overlooked it at first.  I discovered it in my inbox, but it was dated almost 2 weeks ago.  The name surprised me at first and I must have blinked hard once or twice…I got an email from Bella.  I don’t know how she tracked me down, but then again, I tracked her down last year, but I always thought I was smarter than her and there is no way…but somehow she did.

If you’ve read my previous posts on Bella you’ll know that I know she currently married and has a child.  You’ll also know that I consider her one of my true ‘loves’ that got away.  I don’t know if we ever would have really made it.  20 years ago we were exact opposites, only drawn togther by physical looks and amazing sex.  It was incredible and I often walk down memory lane in my head about our numerous and intense encounters during our tumultous on and off relationship.

Her note was brief and nuetral “Hey how’s it going?  Long time…I’d love to catch up. – Bella”

She left me her cell phone number, but it’s probably wise that I never call.  Sure I’m tempted…but nothing good can come out of it.  Bella may be over me and happy with her new life, husband, and child.  But for me, it’s a bit painful.  20 years I realized hasn’t healed me and I still carry a torch somewhere in the recess of my heart and mid for her.   She wasn’t my first love, nor my last…but she had a huge impact on me…and dare I say I actually ‘miss’ her.

We’ve both grown and matured since then, and I imagine I’m much more calmer and slow to burn than I was in my late teens and early 20’s.  It’s not fair to April (did I just say that?), not fair to her husband, most likely not fair to me..or her.  What would I say…”Thank’s for contacting me, BTW, I still have feelings for you…”

Like I said, probably best I just ignore it all and pretentend it never happened.

It’s been a tough day today….that is when you get an erotic thought in your mind and you just can’t shake it.  Well, no thanks to a few fellow erotica-minded bloggers out there who are much more proficient in their writing skills than I am, have really painted a premium crop of true life images that I am going to stow away in my own spank bank for future musings. 

Since I cannot currently take matters into my own hands, (that’ll have to be later since both April and Becky) are out of town, I may have to visit the ‘ole computer tonight and make a new digital friend at $24.95 for 30 day access. 

I know there are a bunch or free sites that are popping up as of late: youporn.com, thestickytissue.com, redtube.com, (to name a few)..they just aren’t the same.  I really can’t explain it, but some of these other sites I have to plunk down money for just seem a bit more ‘forbidden’ and ‘personal’.  Problem is, not all them deliver on what they promise.  It’s always a gamble on what you pay for as some of these internet sensations don’t always update, or the best pictures are used in their ‘tour’, so when you get access to the site it relatively tame after all. 

And I’ll also admit to a little bit of guilt.  Guilt explained by the fact I’m so horny that I feel the need to plunk down money in the first place.  I have so much material on cd’s, dvd’s etc, but I don’t know….it just seems…old…for whatever reason.  Like the proverbial “been there done that”, so once I have spanked off to a certain clip, it needs to be a very, very special clip to have me want to come back a second time.  I’m always seem to be looking for a new image, a new girl, a new situation….but in all honesty, once you’ve watched 2 people get it on in various positions, by the 100^th clip…in the end its two people having sex….again.  We aren’t re-inventing the wheel here by any means.  Seriously, think back to all the x-rated movies you ever watched…..in the end, you can only do so many positions, and it ultimately ends in the ‘money shot’. 

Leena

I did however plunk down $18 a week ago for digital download of an old porn movie I used to own on VHS.  It was from the mid 90’s and even though that doesn’t seem that old, in today’s realm of HD, it did indeed look somewhat dated.  It was from the series ‘Reel Sex’ (yes reel is spelled right in this case) and stared Steven St. Croix, Jonathan Morgan, and a hot gal named Leena.  The bummer is, I’m pretty sure I got the wrong one.  I meant to order #2, and instead I ordered and downloaded #3.  And it was kinda let down.  It wasn’t nearly as good as #2, and while Leena did participate, she wasn’t the main feature as she was in #2.  I totatlly loved that one for two main reasons: 1) Leena is incredibly sexy and hot.  She’s not your average fake eyelashes, too much makeup, silicon enhanced stupid starlet…she is definitely more like the girl next door with just killer tan lines and has a really tiny bit of maybe Persian or something Spanish in her.  Not sure of her genetic make-up, but she’s has a very unique look.  2) There’s a lesbian scene in there that starts with her ‘next-door-neighbor’ (cute little Asian) who is going to watch the house while Leena and Jonathan Morgan go on a trip together.   As she originally came over to help Leena pack, of course they take a time out to explore each other, and then it turns into a threesome when Jonathan walks in, and in the end Leena take a HUGE load in the face.  Okay, you may not have needed to know that part, but the reason I liked it so much, like the Shane’s World series, this was one of the early attempts of the new gonzo genre—unscripted porn where it just looks and feels so much more believable and real than the traditional scripted movies with dumb plotlines and worse music.  No again, this series was just some dude grabbing a video camera and filming people doing it anyway they saw fit…which just comes across so much hotter. 

Er, so what am I getting at here?  Well, I may just buy the ‘correct’ one tonight for $18, but I hate that knowing I could and should be spending my money in wiser ways.  I personally blame my current feeling on ‘Z’ over at phaedrafallen.com.  She wrote a two part true-life, 1^st time 3some story and it is so HOT, I can’t help stop thinking about her and X and his girlfriend and their tryst the other week. 

I do know I owe you guys a few stories from my recent get-away.  I wish I could say everything I wanted to happen did happen, but alas, my designs aren’t everybody else’s designs.  And while April and I did knock it out twice and both times were fun, it wasn’t exactly what I had envisioned in my head, nor not nearly enough the amount of times I wanted to.  If it were up to me, April would have awoken me with me in her mouth and want to run around the room naked all weekend, but no…there was shopping, and browsing, and drinking, and other crap that got in the way of ‘my plans’.  Sigh. 

Anyway, I’ll have to write those two events soon enough to share.

Friday’s, when it comes to lunch, is always a double-edged sword.  On the one hand, it’s casual day and I get to wear jeans and a t-shirt in these warmer summer months.  This past week I feel as if I have been working like a hebrew slave, so the chance I get to wear something a bit more relaxing and cooling is always nice.  Also, because it’s Friday, we tend to take a few extra minutes of liberty when we go to lunch.  Our typical hour can sometimes stretch to a whopping 1 hr 10 minutes….Japanese company and all…you take what you can get.

On the flip side, without sounding like too much of a prick, I work with a lot of dorks.  That is to say of the stereotypical ‘nerdy’ variety where fashion, haircuts, and social discussions seem to be a stumbling block.  Half the guys I work with I swear are still virgins or haven’t been laid in years, and in someways these lunches are a test of my patience.  I can’t always talk shop, nor do I want to.  If I’m going out to lunch, I want to enjoy it and leave work at the office.  Why do I want to go out to lunch if we are just going to talk about work at lunch?

Today we went to ‘Soup Plantation’.  Not sure if you know what one of those are, but it basically ‘tries’ to be a somewhat above average soup and salad buffet place.  Maybe it’s one step above Denny’s and CoCo’s on the atmosphere scale, but it’s far from ever being posh.

At the table next to us, was a living, breathing Barbie doll (sorry if you ladies find that offensive, but I’m using it as a pleasant descriptor).  She had to be at least 5′8″ before her 3″ pumps.  Skinny, late 20’s, beautiful skin, long blond hair pulled back into a free flowing pony-tail that came halfway down her back..  Simple makeup and silver stud earrings.  Gray, form fitting business slacks with a simplistic and classy plaid print, and the icing on the cake was her perfectly shaped ‘D’ cups protruding straight out on her black, sleeveless tank top.  She was a ‘9′ on a scale of 10, easily, and not overly done up.

But as you can imagine, she caught all of our eyes, and because my co-workers lack certain ’social graces’, they all began to experience whiplash at the same time.  Because this is a buffet, every time she got up to get something additional, the same comedic display would take place…..5 nerdy guys made it pretty obvious that they were ogling her.  I was one of of those of five, I admit, but I’d like to think I can camouflage my glances much more expertly than these MAC wannabes.

On her last trip back to her table, I heard her say to one of her girlfriends “Gosh, everytime I get up these guys keep staring at me.”, like she just couldn’t understand why we were such obvious pervs. 

Uh, DUH!….Maybe because this is Soup Plantation and you are the hottest thing that has graced the corn bread bar in like 5 years?  You’re walking into the domain of what Wal Mart shoppers consider a 5 star establishment dressed like you came from the set of The Hills, and your boobs are $1 short of an exotic pole dancers, and you wanna know why we are looking at you?  Lady, not only am I looking at you, I have already ate you out and took you from behind in my head.

In her defense however, I suppose I’d feel a bit creeped out if a bunch of dudes looking like they just got off the short bus were staring at you while you ate.  Anyway, we were busted….and I don’t feel all that guilty about it.

A few more hours left before I’m off for the day and go on my three day sojourn with April and my best friend and his wife.  I’m sporting a new short haircut and a little color that I got from the sun last weekend, and I suppose I’ll do some serious manscaping this evening in the shower.  Everyone seems excited to go.  I can’t wait to try some new restaurants, hang by the pool, drink some fruity cocktails, and basically have loads of sex in my hotel room over the next 72 hours.  At least in my head, I plan on being naked much more than being dressed behind closed doors, and I’m taking my new camera.  I even packed a new ‘toy’ for April to use on herself as I sit back and watch.  The only thing I’m a bit nervous about is since we have adjoining rooms, if my friend and his wife will hear us, or us them over the next few days.

I hate when these things happen.

I get a thought in my head at the most inopportune time, and then can’t shake it all.  It almost becomes borderline OCD for me, and that’s how I’m feeling about now.

Last night I went to bed at a relatively decent hour, after talking to an old college friend on the phone and sipping on a very heavy handed whisky on the rocks (needless to say, I have a slight fog in my head right now).  I fell asleep relatively fast, but then awoke pretty widely at about 2:30am. 

For the next couple of hours, all I could do was toss and turn and stare blindly at the ceiling.  It wasn’t that I was too warm, or couldn’t get comfortable, I just ‘woke up’…and that sux, knowing full well I’m going to pay for it later sometime the next day.

Anyway, here’s comes the thought:  Old porn tapes of mine that I owned 10 years ago that were thrown out, and now I can’t get the scenes out of my head.  Why this happens, I don’t know, but all of a sudden there’s Randy West and Jenna Jameson in her 1st mainstream porn debut at the nubile age of 19.  Yes, before she became a household name, before she was ever married, before the piercing and silicon enhancements….a perfect girl-next-door at age 19 who just likes to fuck.  I believe it was ‘Up & Cummers #8′, and then she did a F/F/M follow-up in ‘Up & Cummers #9′ again with Randy West and now I forget the other girls name, but she was already kinda mainstream.   What made this so hot was how Jenna was dressed….this tight little late 80’s black skirt/body stocking thing with a zipper down front.

I don’t know how many times I watched that tape over and over again.  I’m surprised I didn’t wear that one out.  I don’t think I ever really needed to watch the whole scene either, usually the 1st 10 minutes, or more accurately to where Jenna begins to unzip her top is all I needed to bust a nut.

I ‘had’ to throw those tapes away some time back when I was kinda in a relationship.  The girl I was with (monogamous) was very self-conscious and didn’t really understand why guys were visual and why I owned these tapes.  The thought process was she believed she was all I needed for visual stimuli and got jealous and pretty much game me an ultimatum one day to throw the tapes away, or I wasn’t going to get the ‘real’ thing from her anymore. 

So under some duress, self-imposed guilt, a semi-half-hearted belief I was too old for this ‘porn’ nonsense anymore I chucked them.  And it only took less than a day to regret that decision.

Now with the advent of Blu-Ray and DVD’s, I’m seriously thinking of re-buying those ‘vintage’ episodes.  Yeah, I know it’s not ‘vinatge’ as in classic 70’s porn with very little genital grooming that everyone seems to be going back to, but late 80’s to mid 90’s is classic for me now.  So what if fashion is a little dated by 2009 standards?  Those scenes of a fresh Jenna Jameson before the fame and drama that became her life are so much better than her current and recent stuff.

The same goes for another starlett who goes by the name of Shane.  She had a series of tapes with her then boyfriend and then went on to do her own series “Shane’s World” before she got out of the business, got married and had a family.  She was the one that introduced me to ‘gonzo’ porn…the style of no scripts, no sets, no makeup, no stupid jazz riffs…just a camera following her around in her life and her encounters.  It was like reality porn before the Internet took off to what it is today, and I’d like to think ushered in the whole genre of 90’s style ‘real’ amateur porn.  I’m missing a few tapes of her and her antics as well.  There was one in particular called ‘Bustin Loose’, (I think) where she and her girlfriend take a young T.T. Boy to Vegas for his birthday.  Of course, it’s scene after scene in various hotel rooms with different girls, and there is one scene in particular where T.T is tied up in a chair, blindfolded, and in his skivvies, where Shane hires one of the cutest Asian escorts in town…and then proceeds to film a very lengthy 40 minutes encounter that includes lap dances, teases de jour, a shower scene, and then culminates into one of the most aggressive hotel bedroom romps ever…..fabulous.

I think I may have to buy these later today for old times sake.

Other than that, I’m just under 2 weeks before April and I and my best friend and his wife go out of town for a weekend.  I have so many devious plans in my head on how to just wreck April and make this a memorable 3 day trip.  I got a new camera and she’s let me take pictures before.  I’m wondering if she’ll let me bring a video camera this time.  I’m not even there yet and I’m already picturing her going down on me on the suite couch, or me doing her in the shower, and basically walking around the room nekkid until we need to go out for food or something.