Nate’s Place

….Edit: Take 2…

Yes, the first two sentences were already typed and summarily deleted as they just came out desperate and stupid.  I suppose I do feel somewhat stupid as of late.  Stupid as a teenage boy whose hormones have gone stark craving mad.

Despite having gotten laid just a few days ago, it seems I’m going through a particularly testosterone challenging time right now.  While the last episode with April was indeed fun and hot, it wasn’t earth shattering or mind blowing by any means.  I just really want to have my world rocked right now, and I want to really rock someone else’s.

Part of it is my own fault and that of the internet community.  I’ve recently discovered a few other blogs of what seems to be just your typical person or couple next door who all seem to be having a spicier and more memorable adventures than me.  I’ve been really turned on reading some of them lately, and sites with a few HNT or even more revealing pics is always a plus.  This next statement may soudn egotitsical, and hopefully it doesn”t come off that way, but even as I’m thinking of it right now, I seem a little vain.  Okay, so a few pictures I’ve seen I’d have to say I’m in much better shape and better looking than some of these people, so I have to wonder why I’m not leading their lives. 

Well I suppose there’s a few simple answers to explain it, and most, nay, all of them are my own hangups:

1- Now that I’m in my late 30’s as opposed to anytime in my late teens or 20’s, I figure I’ve grown up a tad and like to think I’m much more even keeled and responsible these days.  I’ll even say once in a while my mind is at war over morality….my own that is.  What may have been acceptable behavior to me 10 years ago….just doesn’t seem that acceptable anymore in my own mind.  I suppose I’m judging myself now which sounds very odd. and I can’t even explain it right now.

2- I tried ’swinging’ before.  None of my experiences really turned out to be Penthouse Forum quality.  It was more awkward and stumbling around that it was satisfying, yet I also believe that’s my fault too.  I suppose I’ve never been able to or allow myself to completely let go.  I am a product of my own double standard….see, I don’t have much problem for sleeping with your girlfriend, but don’t sleep with mine.  If you want to share yoru wife and she’s game, I’m game….but I don’t think I could ever share my wife.  Perhaps that’s one of the reasons I’m at war with myself and marriage.  I’d like to be married and have kids and a family one day, but I suppose I still like the idea of sewing my oats.  The issue then becomes….when do I feel I am done sewing and ready to settle down.

3- So despite both number 1 & 2 above, I’ve been working up the courage to join a ‘club’ again.  Maybe if I just get it out of my system, to have one last blow out period, I can finally move on.  Doesn’t that sound incredible selfish though?  Yes, it does.  I’m a pig.

4- Part of this comes from my hot single mom neighbor too.  She finally met someone a few weeks back, and is dating for the first time in over three years since she got seperated.  I’ve always had a thing for her, and we’ve flirted in the past.  But my own rule that she lives just a few houses down from me and is also friends with our entire block like myself put her of limits.  I know she’s even spent the night at least twice now with her new guy, and well….despite my own trysts with April…I suppose I can admit I’m somewhat jealous.  I so badly want to try that forbidden peach, and now someone else has because of my own rules.

5- The gym is making me horny again too.  You might think this is a stretch and a cop-out, but the fact is that people who work out have more dopamine, edorphines and testosterone in their systems released when they are more active.  I’ve been hitting the gym again lately, and although my body is sore and achy more than I’d like to admit it is, my friends and neighbors have begun commenting I’m looking buffer again…of course a huge boost to my ego.  Yeah, it sounds shallow.  I’m not denying that at all.  But the fact of it is, people are starting to say I’m looking good and lean and buff again.  All healthy kindling for a sexual appetite.

So with all this going on in my head, I just feel like there’s so much sexual tension inside of me just wanting to explode.  I want to kick ass and take names.  I want to dominate and explore.  I want to make you feel good over and over and over again.  I want to hear you moan in my ear and scream my name so the neighbors can hear.  I want to make you wet everytime you think of me, and I wanna taste every last drop of it.  Now.

ARRRRGGGGHHHH